That it all had to change. In the blink of an eye, I went from being on top of the world, to being at the bottom of the ocean.
They say when somebody dies too quick to realize it, it creates a ghost- Someone who lives their normal life as they always would, but nobody sees them. Nobody hears them. Is that me?
It didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would.
But now I'm confused on everything.
I sit at night, analyzing things said, analyzing the way he moves, walks, (never) talks (to me).
The first day, I felt like I had been slapped. I was more aware of my surroundings than anything. But hopeful. He said we're best friends- that he wanted it to stay that way.
He practically begged.
Got home from school, threw up twice. Couldn't eat.
Second day, it hurt like a knife stuck in my gut. I ignored it. Only when I thought of it, did the knife start twisting in my belly.
He stayed far away from me.
Threw up again. Nibbled on dinner.
Third day, no pain. None. Everything was good, happy, friendly.
Pants are loose- eat more, I said to myself. I ate. Food stayed down, (barely). Good day. It was a very good day.
Now it's the weekend and I'm stuck home realizing I can't do all the things I used to.
Sure, I could try. But I'm not the one who would be different.
In the blink of an eye, my world is changed.
In the blink of an eye, I lost something- But gained the rest.
I thought I'd be heartbroken, but I'm satisfied. It's just bizarre- It's like a sibling died, and now the house is empty. I feel that emptiness pressing on me. It's really lonely. But I'm not A-lone. Just one less person to talk to all day. Which whittles down my list severly.
But I'm not sad. How could I be sad, when he's supposed to be so happy now?
(he's not acting like it)
Is he happy now?
Who was the one who kept reassuring me that we'd stay close?
Is this really how it's going to be now? Not saying goodbye, or even speaking at school?
It's not like I'm the one doing all this. I'm fantastically happy. Well, happier than I thought I could be at this point.
So why does he walk around like he's the one who was dumped? Arms crossed, slight frown.
(It doesn't have to end here if he doesn't want it to).
Reading: Plain Truth